Tots have mercy on my soul
by Another-Dream-Taken
Summary: Once apon a time, the YYH gang was not so big and powerful. However, they stil won't cease to cause terror. Especially in the hands of a tempermental teen demon.
1. Intro of Sorts

Kipsie: Here I go with another fanfic. So much for no more fanfics. Oh well.

Yusuke: raises eyebrow

Kipsie: looks at Yusuke and giggles  
  
Yusuke: What?

Kipsie: Oh nothing, Onward Read.

* * *

Kei tapped her pen on her math book madly. She hated algebra. The endless numbers and variables confused her to no end. She gently brushed back a strand of maroon hair out of her eye. "Oh god dammit." She muttered, throwing her pen down onto her note book. She started pacing her room, trying to resist the urge to sick an evil tidal wave on her book, remembering what happened last time she did that.

Her phone was ringing wildly. "Ok ok ok. Fine. I'm coming." The phone continued to ring, and she picked it up madly.

"What?" She demanded, flopping onto her bed.

"Hey Kei wasup?" Her friends voice answered.

"Yeah hi Mesa. What do you want? I'm doing algebra." She traced the outline of a poster on her ceiling with her foot.

"I got assigned to a baby sitting job, but I can't do it because of that stupid thing my mom's making me do." Kei nodded, forgetting that most people can't see what you're doing on the phone.

"yeah so?"

"So I need you to filling."

"Nope." Kei said affirmatively.

"Why!"

"You know I hate kids. I've never babysat before."

"Kei, this is an easy job. I baby sit for these people all the time. Three two year olds, a four year old, and a quiet five year old who tends to lurk in corners and not really do much."

"Sounds like fun." Kei responded sarcastically, getting up from her spot on the bed. "Fine, I'll take your job for tonight, but you owe me."

"Thanks Kei!" With that, they hung up, and Kei grabbed her bag and dashed out of her apartment.

* * *

Kipsie: Not all the chapters will be this short, I promise. Anyway, please review!


	2. Toddlers Unleashed

Kipsie: Ok then yo. Chapter two awaits it's writtenness!

Celina: Wha....looks confused

Kipsie: Never mind. You always ruin everything. To bad I never actually went through with killing you.

Celina: scoffs and rolls eyes

Kipsie: Anyway, onward read.

* * *

Kei knocked on the white door, and stepped back, waiting for the footsteps that would signal the door being opened.

It creaked open, and she got her first look at her charges. At the door stood a little three foot tall red haired boy. He was clinging shyly to the door, looking up at her with large emerald eyes.

In the background stood four other children. Four of them couldn't be anywhere close to the red haired kid's height. Two of them looked like they were in the middle of a fight, and the little girl looked like she was playing cheerleader. Further away from the little group stood a very short little boy with black hair. He was standing against the wall next to the couch.

"Hey guys..." She said, stepping into the house. "I'm Kei, I'm gonna be you're babysitter." She flicked her ruby red hair over her shoulder, and flicked her tail (yes, she's a fox demon...thought I'd throw that in cause I can). "You guys wanna tell me your names?" She asked, squatting down to eye level with the kids who were now crowding around her.

"I'm Keiko!" The little brown haired girl who looked like she had been cheerleading for the fighting boys moments ago. "That's Shuichi," She pointed to the red haired boy who waved. "That's Yusuke." She pointed to the black haired boy who was punching the second boy. "He's Kuwabara." She said, pointing to the boy who was being beaten up by Yusuke. "And that's Hiei." She pointed behind her, a hint of disgust in her voice. Kei smiled. Keiko sounded an awful lot like Mesa.

"Ok..." Kei said, trying to understand what was going on. "Have you guys been alone this whole time?"

"Yeah." Keiko answered brightly, grabbing Kei's hand and leading her into the kitchen. "We had dinner! I made it myself." She pointed to herself happily. Kei looked up from the brown haired girl before her, and her eyes widened in horror.

The white marble tile floor was covered in crumbs and burned items. The stove was littered with pans, spoons, knives, and some form of mush. The counters were covered in flour, sugar, salt, and water, not to mention the mush and ash. The table was covered in bowls, bread, butter, and utensils.

"What did you eat?" Kei looked scared, venturing towards the ashy mess on the floor.

"We had milk, orange juice, ice cream, and cookies." She smiled, pulling the plastic container out that once held cookies. Kei looked down, and noticed she was standing in a puddle of orange juice.

Kei brushed her hair out of her face, sweeping it over onto her shoulder. "Ok Kei, don't freak out. It's no big deal, not so bad, could be worse...the house could be on fire." BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. "Great, the fire alarm." Kei looked around, trying to spot the culprit. At the stove she found Yusuke and Kuwabara throwing random items in a skillit from which plumes of smoke were rising. "Oh damn." She dashed to the stove, turned off the burner and shoed Yusuke and Kuwabara away.

"Stupid kids. What the crap were you thinking? You are so stupid!" She yelled, moving the skillit off the stove and checking for other forms of harm. The boys looked at each other, and let out ear shattering screams that would normally crack windows. Keiko, afraid Kei's anger was directed to her, joined in the screaming.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Kei screamed at them, hands clamped to her ears. All three stopped. "O.....k?" She looked fearfully from one face to the next. They were planning something....

* * *

Kipsie: Evil kids...

Yusuke: Dude, what the crap?

Kipsie: ignoring Yusuke I was one of those kids...I was evil. I'm surprised my mom didn't put me up for adoption.

Yusuke: Maybe she did and she just never told you.

Kipsie: yeah sure, whatever. Of course you'd say that. Anyway, review while I torment Yusuke with his past.


	3. Solutions

Kipsie: I'm on a roll...chapter three.

Yusuke: twirls finger Whoop de doo.

Kipsie: Hey, be quiet. Onward read while I beat Yusuke with a shoe.

* * *

Before Kei was sure of what was going on, the evil children had her hogtied on the couch, and cacooned in toilet paper.

"You little runts! Get me outta this!" She squirmed, trying to break free of her toilet paper prison. "Man this stuff is tough. You can you stand using this crap?" She asked, looking at the miniature twits that had done this to her. Keiko followed Yusuke and Kuwabara as they started running around the house, chanting "NA NA NA GOO GOO."

Shuichi slowly waddled towards her, watching his three chanting friends.

"I'll get you out Miss." He said politely, ripping the toilet paper and untying the ropes.

"Thank you Shuichi." Kei said, grateful to stand up again. She squatted down and eyed his outstretched arms for a moment. She finally figured out what it was he wanted, and picked him up. "Oof kid, what have you been eating?" She asked, placing him on her hip.

"Ok every body STOP!" Shuichi blinked at her loud voice, his eyes widening. All three of the wild toddlers froze in place, eyes creeping in her direction. "Ok, we're going to clean up the kitchen, give you little rodents a bath, and then you are going to bed, no questions asked. Ok?"

"NO NO NO!" Kuwabara and Yusuke started chanting, banging their little balled up fists on the coffee table. They looked at Keiko, waiting for her to join in at any moment.

"Guys, maybe we should do what the big lady says." Keiko suggested shyly. Shuichi nodded in agreement.

"Hiei? What do you have to say to that?" Kei asked the five year old, hoping that he would make the majority vote with her.

"Hn." His little face remained dark yet emotionless. He hadn't moved from that wall since Kei arrived.

"Is that a yes?" Kei asked Keiko and Shuichi, both of whom shrugged. "Well, we'll say it's a yes." She put Shuichi down, and turned to the obnoxious duo, who were still chanting.

"Ok, democracy has spoken, and we're gonna clean up the kitchen, take baths, and go to bed!" She yelled above their chanting. They stopped, looked at each other, and started their furious pounding. Kei sighed and rubbed her head.

"Ok, we're gonna play a game!" Kei shouted, feeling slightly desperate concidering the house was a near wreck.

"A game?" Four of the five exicited tots yelled in unison, their eyes wide and happy.

"yes, a game. Ok, the first to get in the kitchen wins this round." Kei was almost knocked over by the wave of kids who were now consumed by competition. She ran into the kitchen, and was greeted by groans.

"Hiei! That's not faire, you're not allowed to do that. It's not our fault we can't run as fast as you!" Keiko was scolding Hiei, wagging her little finger in his face. He glared at her angrily.

"Ok, who was here first."

"Me!" Everyone shouted.

"Well, Hiei was." Keiko admitted.

"Ok, Hiei won. Here you go Hiei." Kei held out a small candy. Hiei snatched it and started walking off unwrapping it. "Oh no you don't shorty." Kei grabbed his cloak, holding him back. "You're helping."

Within five minutes, Keiko and Shuichi were washing dishes, Yusuke and Kuwabara were mopping the floor, and Hiei was giving the needed supplies and items to the other four.

"Well, this is nice." Kei said, sipping a soda.

Kei was so into her soda, that she didn't notice when Hiei stumbled apon a little secret.

* * *

Kipsie: Ahaha. Chapter four is gonna be the best. I can't wait.

Yusuke: blinks What are you doing to me?

Kipsie: Nothing that you will remember in the morning.

Yusuke: Uh oh....


	4. Wasted

Kipsie: Ahaha. Yay.

Yusuke: A nana.

Kipsie: Don't be snotty with me.

Yusuke: walks away 

Kipsie: blinks Ok, whatever. Onward read.

* * *

Hiei's eyes widened. He quickly grabbed several bottles and ran towards his room. Curious, the others followed, sneaking past Kei who was answering the phone in the master bed room.

"What is it?" Keiko asked, looking at Hiei's arms which were wrapped around his cloak. Onto his bed, he dropped five bottles.

"Oooooooooo!" Everyone said, reaching for the bed. Hiei took his own bottle.

"Wait...what is it?" Kuwabara asked.

"Sake." Shuichi answered, eyeing it nervously. "Are you sure we're supposed to drink this Hiei?" He asked, still eyeing it as if it were poison.

Hiei was busy gulping. Yusuke joined in, and pretty soon empty bottles littered the floor.

"Yets get...da more." Yusuke said, swaying a bit. The group wabbled into the kitchen, where Hiei leaped up onto the counter and grabbed the remaining bottles. They were back in Hiei's, becoming more wasted by the second.

"It's quiet...too quiet." Kei looked around. "Twirps? Brats! Where the crap did you go! Please don't get into any more trouble!" S he ran around the house frantically, passing by the closed door to Hiei's room several times. She stopped only when she heard a thump and several giggles.

The door slowly creaked open, and five innocent faces smiled at her. Each set of eyes looked almost glazed over, and no one was sitting still. They were each swaying, unsteady on the floor or the bed, wherever they fell.

"What is going on?" She asked, knowing the all too familiar sight of drunks.

"No-no...nothing." Keiko stuttered. She broke down into tears, curling up in a small ball.

"Um...it's ok...I think. Just...stay in here....and uh...don't break anything." Kei closed the door.

"Oh yeah, great kids my ass! What the crap am I gonna say when their parent's get home? 'Hey yeah, you're kids got wasted...so uh...if they don't wake up in the morning due to alcohol poisoning...sorry!' Holy crap Mesa...just wait until I get you."

* * *

Kipsie: Sorry this chapter was so short...I'm kinda pressed for time...as in one minutes before bed time. Isn't the idea of a drunk baby Yusuke, Keiko, Kuwa, Hiei, and Kurama just hilarious? Anyway...review please g2g.


	5. Flood Rains

Kipsie: Ok, Chapter 5! /nothing happens/ Oh, I forgot to push the button. /pushes button/

Somewhere on the globe, Justin Timberlake gets slapped.

Kipsie: Alright then, Onward read!

* * *

Kei had moved to the couch, not wanting to think about the daunting task of taking care of five drunken kids.

She rubbed her head. _Those kids are gonna be terrorists when they grow up I swear._ She smiled at the thought.

"Mrs. Fox wady." A small hiccupping voice said.

"Go away kid."

"Usu-usuky...usuke growed...growed up." Keiko was stumbling over her words between hiccups.

"Usuke growed up what?!" She tried to decipher the message. _Who the crap is Usuke?_

"Wait...Yusuke?" Keiko nodded. The light bulb turned on.

"Oh no..."

Kei picked up Keiko and carried her to Hiei's room.

There stood Yusuke, his whole front covered in vomit. He was looking at the ground, where there was a small puddle.

"Oh my god." Kei breathed, covering her mouth. "Ew ew ew EW! OK! BATHTIME!" She grabbed his clean hand and lead him to the bathroom.

Yusuke splashed in the water while Kei cursed him and tried to find a place for his dirty clothes.

"Why am I stuck with you guys? I bet you and your cronies planned it like this. I bet they're drawing on the walls, puking on the furniture, burning down the kitchen." Kei heard barks and happy screams. "Terrorizing the dog. Wait...they have a dog?!" Kei abandoned Yusuke and ran to the back yard from where the screams were coming from.

The kids were huddled around a dog house, where a small golden retriever was hiding.

"Ok, time to come inside." Kei urged. The three kids remained in place.

"Wait, three?" She counted again. "Crap, where's Shuichi?!" She ran back inside, and started tearing the house apart searching for him.

"The little demon's probably halfway to talking over the world by now." She muttered as she tossed a couch cushion behind her.

It wasn't long before Kei was opening the door to Hiei's room, which was still littered with empty bottles.

Shuichi was curled up on the floor asleep, sucking his thumb.

"Well, one less devil to deal with." Kei said, gently picking up the baby Shuichi and tucking him into the bed in the master bedroom.

Once he was tucked in, Kei raced back to tend to forgotten Yusuke, hoping he hadn't drown. And to her dismay...

He hadn't.

"My you've kept yourself busy." She said, leaning on the door frame.

Yusuke had obviously wished to warm up the water in the tub, because steaming water was pouring into the over flowing tub. Who knows what he was thinking when he turned on the sink, broke the pipe, and started shoving toilet paper down the toilet and flushing.

Kei moved into the bathroom, thankful that they weren't on the second floor.

"Wait, this place doesn't have a basement does it?" She asked, looking skeptically at Yusuke, who shook his head furiously in that cutesy two year old way.

She turned off the water on the sink and bathtub, and unplugged the toilet, throwing the wet and soggy wod in the trash.

The whole time, Yusuke stood by the door, looking as though he were about to burst into tears. Kei was screaming all sorts of things at him like "You're such a loser kid! How many people in the world could screw up some one else's life so badly?!" Not that Yusuke understood what was truly going on, or that the obsceneites that you aren't allowed to say on MTV unless it's bleeped meant what they did...or that maybe it would be a bad idea to repeat them in the presence of others.

* * *

Kipsie: /in zombie like state/ DUN DUN DUN! /falls asleep/

Kurama: /looks around, wondering how he got there/ Uh...review please /nervous smile/

Yusuke: /pokes Kipsie/


	6. In Public

Kipsie: I hate writing.

Yusuke: Then why do you do it?

Kipsie: Because I can. And I like to torture you.

Yusuke: -rolls eyes-

Kipsie: Onward read.

* * *

It had taken a good hour, and more running then Kei had ever wished for, but eventually all five kids were snuggled into the master bed, sleeping of the sake. Even in his sleep Hiei was separated from the cuddling group, a little lump under the comforter broken off from the larger clump. Kei was at least glad for him if nothing else. So far he hadn't caused any trouble (since she didn't know who had found the cabinet full of sake).

Kei, now left in the buzzing silence of the house, was left to wander aimlessly until the parent's came home.

"Wouldn't be surprised if they never came home. I wouldn't want to live with those little devils, you couldn't pay me enough. I'd kill myself first." She flopped down onto the couch, yet another can of soda in her hands. "Hope they don't mind." She murmured to no one, inspecting the can in the light.

In the ten minutes of silence it had taken her to doze off, all hell had broken lose.

"HEY! YOU KICKED ME!"

"NO I DIDN'T! YOU MUST HAVE BEEN DREAMING!"

"STOP YELLING!"

"YOU STOP!"

"SUT UP!" Keiko's voice roared, her words still sounding slurred.

"What are you doing? You're supposed to be sleeping like normal kids, not causing any trouble what so ever, so that I can leave five minutes before you're poor unfortunate parent's get home." Kei stood in the door way, almost furious that her moment to rest had been interrupted.

"Kuwabara kicked me!" Yusuke shouted, going back to jumping on the bed.

"NO I DIDN'T!" Kuwabara also started jumping

"Stop it! My head hurts! Don't jump! I don't feel good! Guys stop!" Keiko whined, trying to push past Hiei to get out of bed.

"Ah shit...ake." Kei grabbed Keiko and set her down on the floor, not needing another puddle of grossness to clean.

"Don't hit me!"

"Don't kick me!"

"I didn't kick you!"

"I didn't hit you!"

"Yes you did!"

"Yes you did!"

"Stop copying me!"

"Stop copying me!"

"GUYS! SHUT UP OR I'LL SMACK YOU! DON'T THINK I WON'T!" Kei screamed, inching closer to the boys who were engaged in a fist fight. They had started rolling around the bed, rolling over Shuichi, who had been sleeping this whole time.

"Ow! That wasn't nice!" Shuichi stated as he sat up, rubbing one eye. Kei was near her breaking point. She grabbed Shuichi and Yusuke, and left Kuwabara rolling over himself until he rolled right off the foot of the bed. Yusuke laughed, causing Kuwabara to grow more angry.

"OK GUYS! WE'RE GOING FOR A WALK! AND IF YOU AREN'T ASLEEP BY THE END OF IT...I'LL BEAT YOU ALL WITH FRYING PANS!" Kei yelled, grabbing hold of Keiko's hand. Keiko some how jumped up into Kei's arms, and pretty soon Kuwabara had pulled her towards the bed to jump onto her back.

"Guys, get off me...I mean it, I can't carry all of you...please...get off." Kei pleaded, trying to move under the weight of four children. Before she knew it, Hiei was clinging to her leg, using her foot as a chair. "You don't expect me to walk down the street like this do you?" She asked, halting just before the door. All five toddlers nodded.

They had been walking just long enough to bring them away from the small neighborhood and towards a convince store.

"Ok, when we go home, you're walking." Kei ordered, placing each kid on the ground and watching as they ran in circles, but stayed close enough so that they wouldn't have to endure another screaming fit from their easily angered babysitter.

"Hi Person. I'm Yusuke. How the f are you?" He said, holding his hand out towards the person, who looked at him with a mix of surprise and disgust.

"Do your parents let you talk like that?" He asked, kneeling down to eye level with Yusuke.

"Why the hell wouldn't they?" He smiled, and ran towards Kei.

Eventually growing bored, the kids started pulling on her pant legs, yelling things like "Get me some candy" "I want soda" "get me popcorn" on and on and on until eventually Kei was clamping her hands down over her ears.

"OK YOU NASTY LITTLE HEADACHES! I'LL GET YOU WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT!" She pulled out a twenty dollar bill and led them each into the store.

Within thirty seconds, Kei was standing at the counter with an ice cream sandwich, seven bottles of soda, five kind sized candy bars, and three bags of chips. Kei grumbled at the twenty even total, and with her large grocery bag in hand, she started out the door.

"Hey shead! Have a nice day!" Yusuke yelled, waving behind him. Kei snatched him up, and ran out the door, ignoring the look of shock on the store keepers face.

* * *

Kipsie: And that is how Yusuke came to swear.

Yusuke: -grumble grumble-

Kipsie: -giggles- Review!


	7. Back At Home

Kipsie: Sorry it's taking so long to update...

Yusuke: /laughs at self/

Kipsie: Ok, Yusuke, I hate to break it to you...but you aren't THAT funny.

Yusuke: /stops laughing and glares/

Kipsie: Well onyvey...onward read.

* * *

Kei dragged a screaming and kicking Yusuke behind her, with Keiko, Kuwabara, Shuichi, and Hiei huddling around her legs asking her questions about Yusuke. Yusuke continued screaming, trying to pull away from Kei's angry grip as she screamed at him for embarrassing her in public. She was once again throwing obscenities at him, her voice echoing in the empty night.

It wasn't until an hour later that she got the now exhausted toddlers home. The fight home was enough to cause the little rodents to fall down on the floor, drifting into the peaceful toddler sleep that is lost to anyone older then six.

Laying on the couch resembling the half lifeless blob that she felt like, Kei turned her head to gaze at the peacefully sleeping children.

"Thank god the little heathens finally went to sleep." She muttered through a yawn, turning over in the couch and resting her head on her hands. Just as she was starting to doze off, warm and cuddled into the dog haired couch, the phone rang.

Five people screamed, and Hiei simply muttered something under his breath. Kei glared at him before answering the phone.

"Kei!" Mesa screamed joyously.

"What do you want?! Why are you calling now?! WHERE THE HELL ARE THE KIDS PARENT'S ALREADY! IT'S MIDNIGHT!" She scolded, raking one hand through her hair.

"Hey! I'm sorry ok! I just got home, and I remembered that I forgot to tell you something."

"Great, what did you remember that you forgot to tell me? THAT THE LITTLE BRATS ARE BENT ON THE DESTRUCTION OF THE EARTH?!"

"Oh come on Kei...they aren't _that_ bad."

"Mesa, you don't know that half of it. First they tried to burn the house down, then they got drunk and tried to kill the dog, after that Yusuke decided that he wanted to flood the house and turned on every faucet in the bathroom and clogged the toilet, then they made me carry them to the store where they bought a tone of junk food and Yusuke swore like mad!"

"That can't be good."

"NO SHIT!" Kei screamed, forgetting momentarily about the five children who were staring at her with rather blank expressions.

"Well, all I wanted to tell you was that the parent's are going to be away...so you'll be babysitting until Monday." Kei looked at the calendar that was hanging over the fire place.

"ALL WEEKEND?" She screamed even louder apon realizing that it was only Friday (technically at Midnight...it'd be Saturday...but whatever).

"Yes...but I'll be there with you. Don't freak out, I'll get there around 9 tomorrow morning. They'll still be asleep by then. See ya then!" Mesa clicked the phone down, leaving Kei in a state of terror. And they were still looking at her.

"OK YOU LITTLE FREAKS! SHOWS OVER! GO BACK TO SLEEP!" Kei shouted, dropping down into the couch heavily. As if scared, they flopped back onto the floor, and started fake snoring...until eventually they lulled themselves to sleep.

Kei as well slumbered...until the ever curious eyes of Kuwabara decided to open.

* * *

Kipsie: Ok, sorry that chapter wasn't that great...and it was short and stuff. But ya know.

Yusuke: /looking extremely bored/ Review...

Kipsie: Yeah...listen to the twice dead reject.

Yusuke: HEY!


	8. MakeOver King

Kips: The last time I updated this story was November 17th of 2004…woooooooow. Ok well, I'm attempting to pick this story up again cuz little heathens are fuuuuuuun.

Yusuke: -twitches- stop…talking…

Kips: Oh, don't get your dippers in a puddle. Onward read!

* * *

Kuwabara lifted his head groggily. He was laying flat on his stomach, somewhere between the couch and the TV. His head spun, he was a millisecond away from throwing up, and he was still immensely drunk. Nonetheless, he was bored. Slowly, he pushed his body up from the floor, and stood wobbly on his weak knees, proving to us all that even at a young age, Kazuma Kuwabara was an unstoppable force to be reckoned with.

His small orange head swiveled about, his beady eyes taking in all there was to see. Not much. Tiny Kuwabara took a shaky step towards the couch and explosive babysitter, paused, pondered, then turned and ran off in the direction of the master bedroom.

-It's Morning-

Kei woke up, stretched, and took a long long look at the nearest clock. "Hm…only three more minutes until Mesa comes. Damn her…" Kei punched her right hand with her left fist. "Oh right, twits. Guess I should take inventory." She rubbed her aching head. "How many twits were there?" She shrugged, counted five and hoped for the best.

"I wonder if they have any spare tooth brushes." She thought, and quickly began to tiptoe through the maze of bodies. She was walking past Shuichi, when for whatever reason, she was stopped. "Hm…" She knelt down besides him, and tapped his ear, as if it might tell her why she felt something was wrong. She sat there, staring blankly at the unmoving tot until the light bulb flashed in her head.

"Wasn't his hair…almost down past his…ears?" She mused to herself in mild terror. She reached out and gently touched a butchered strand of red hair, and was shocked yet again when Shuichi's head turned, allowing Kei a glimpse at a new terror.

Shuichi's nose was colored entirely purple with eye shadow, Barbie pink lipstick was smeared in large chunks across his forehead (which was conveniently making his hair and anything else which came in contact with it stick to his skin), and various other powders and creams had been slathered across his cheeks.

Oh….SHIT!" Kei screamed, raising a chorus of disapproving screams and cries. "AHHHHHH! SHUT UP! PLEASE! PLEASE I'M SORRY I'M SORRY PLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASE!" She cried with them, hands held securely over her ears and eyes clamped shut. "IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS! THE NEIGHBORS WILL THINK I'M FUCKING RAPING YOU!" Kei screamed above them, causing all the crying to stop in freakish unison. Kei blinked. Five child heathens blinked back. It was dead silent. They blinked.

"Ooooo…k…" Kei said unsteadily, eyeing the hellions cautiously. All of them had jaggedly cut hair with occasional beauty products clumped about, and make-up covered faces. All except for one. Kei stood from where she had kneeled next to Shuichi, and slowly walked over to the blank-faced Kuwabara, who watched her predatory expression with wide, blank eyes.

"Alright you little brat, what did you do?" She interrogated in a low evil voice, bending over him ominously.

"I made them pretty?" He tried cutely, shrinking down until he finally fell onto his rump with an affirmative _plop_. Kei smacked her forehead hard.

"Great, we have an aspiring make up artist in the house. Just what I needed!" Kei announced to the ceiling. Kuwabara dug his foot into the ground in another attempt to look innocent, and smiled cutely.

"Oh…pass out or something, you're hung over." Kei huffed angrily, going off to the bathroom so she could inspect her own masterpiece make-over.

The front door opened, and another tiny chorus broke out, only this one was full of joyous "YAY'S!" rather then the screams and cries that Kei had become accustomed to over the past 24 hours.

"KEEEEEEEIIIII!" Mesa yelled, shutting the door, and kneeling down to hug her hung over mini-friends. Five sleepy faces twisted, pounding heads injured by the loud sounds of Mesa's voice.

"Mesa….I hate you." Kei greeted, stepping back into the living room. Mesa looked up from the kids, and with one look at Kei, was almost back in the floor in hysterics. Kei's once compulsively shaped jagged bangs were cut haphazardly, with the longest pieces barely touching her eyebrows, while the rest of her hair was randomly cut in spots, giving the teen the appearance of balding. Her eyes were traced in thickly applied cherry red lip stick, her lip/cheek/chin area randomly scribbled with a mixture between green and black eyeliner, and the hideous Barbie pink lipstick which was still smeared on Shuichi's forehead. Liquid foundation was globbed around on her forehead, with layers of fluorescent blush and multi-colored eye shadow on top. Kei twitched, not enjoying the feeling of drying make-up on her make-up opposed face.

Mesa continued to laugh, now lying in the floor clutching her stomach. Kei continued to twitch, and finally just got sick of hearing Mesa's laughter. To remedy this, she took a swift kick at Mesa's ribs, hitting them square on and causing Mesa to suck air hard.

"…oooooow." She complained hoarsely.

"Yeah well, that's what you get." Kei said simply. Mesa glared, and stood, holding her side.

"She's mean!" Yusuke said, pulling on Mesa's pant legs and pointing at Kei.

"No she isn't Yusuke." Mesa said kindly, tossing a questioning glance at Kei.

"She says **fuck** a lot." Kuwabara added, also tugging on Mesa's pant leg.

"Mesa, what does fuck mean?" Keiko asked, tugging on Mesa's sleeve.

"We're not bad are we?" Shuichi asked in an adorable guilt ridden voice as he waddled over to Mesa and hugged her leg. Mesa looked back up at Kei, the same expression on her face that a mother has when her child eats all the freshly baked cookies for a church benefit. Kei shrugged, the same blank expression on her face that a child who has just eating all her mothers fresh baked cookies for a church benefit has when she pretends she didn't eat all the cookies, even though the crumbs are still on her face. Mesa shook her head.

"Kei…." Mesa started, the scolding which was about to take place already rising in her voice. Kei held her hands up above her head.

"Before you say anything, you put me up to this; the kid's therapy later in life is your own fault." Kei said defensively, arms still raised in the air. Mesa gave her a skeptical side glance, laying a protective hand on Shuichi's funny looking head.

"Well, have you at least fed the dog?" Mesa asked, looking around the house which was currently torn apart, and littered with last nights dinner, sake bottles that had been some how misplaced by the evil children, toilet paper, make-up tubes, and anything else the munchkins had gotten their greasy mitts on.

"Um….no….but I did save it from impending doom if that counts for anything." Kei muttered halfheartedly, lowering her arms.

"Not really." Mesa said coldly, gently peeling the several pairs of hands off her pants and shirt so she could see if the dog was still among the living. She walked out to the back yard, followed by all the little hellions and Kei.

"You know Kei, if you were 12 years younger, you'd fit in with these guys perfectly." Mesa commented, kneeling down next to the dog house, where the golden retriever was curled up in a little ball.

"Even at the age of 4, I wouldn't have been caught dead with these rat bastards." Kei responded darkly, casting an evil glare at the gaggle of rodent children who were flocking around the dog house.

"Well, I'm going inside to start a clean up effort. Just….keep the kids out of the house and…" Mesa started to walk away, then stopped and appeared to be deep in thought, then waved Kei off. "Just…don't get any one killed alright?" She begged, then walked inside before Kei could protest.

"Ugh…and here I thought she would be freedom…" Kei said to herself, surveying the yard in search of a good tree to lean against.

"You….did it to yourself." A dark, sickly sounding voice said. Kei looked down, and saw the ominous red eyes of 2'5" Hiei and his used-to-be spiky hair. Kei raised an eyebrow, then picked up the demon, and sent him a glare to match his own.

"Listen buddy, I don't need the voice of reason from a hung-over five year old." Kei warned. Hiei continued to stare coldly at her. "Don't just glare at me bucko, you're only five! You aren't supposed to glare until you're seven and even then it's questionable!" Kei said, bouncing Hiei a bit on her hip. His head jostled limply a bit, and a very sick expression crossed his face.

"Ah no…"

* * *

Kips: That's the end of my comeback chapter!

Yusuke: Hey, I never got to do anything!

Kips: whacks Yusuke over the head Review!

Yusuke: grumbles

whack


	9. Human Forms for Hospital Trips

Kips: weeooweeooweeoo!

Yusuke: -buhlink-

Kips: -bounces around room- I ish so hyyyyyyyper…so…ONWARD WITH THE READINGNESS –hisses-

* * *

Kei was about to toss little Hiei onto the ground, but barely had the time to flip him around, and scoot the toes of her denim converse out of the way before the entire contents of Hiei's stomach was on the ground for the world to see. She stood there, head turned away from Hiei on her tip-toes, with her arms under Hiei's armpits, holding him as far away from her body as possible, and vomit faced Hiei hanging in the air. He inspected his own stomach acid from the distance with a rather curious glint in his crimson eyes.

"You little demon brat, I'm entirely tempted to drop you in your own stomach acid right here…right NOW!" Kei yelled, shaking Hiei gently. His head flopped around on his non-supporting neck, and another wave of nausea coursed through his stomach. This time, nothing happened because he no longer had anything left to spew.

Kei was now trapped. She had a hung over five year old, who just blew chunks all over the back yard, which was impossible to clean as opposed to a floor which requires a mop or a squirt of oxy booster carpet edition. She also had four other children below the age of 5 who were very much hung over and sleep deprived, and had found pleasure in pulling the dog out of the dog house by using its tail as a leash.

"You know, it's a good thing animal cruelty doesn't count for one time actions in the hands of a couple of infants." Kei lectured, practically dropping Hiei and pushing the culprits, Yusuke and Kuwabara, away from the small retriever. The dog playfully dodged Kei and then was distracted by something. It trotted over to where Kei had been standing.

"Oh gods no…" Kei said, suppressing a gag. The dog lowered its head…

"NO NO NO BAD DOG WHAT THE FUCK GET AWAY SHOOOOOO!" Kei screamed, running towards the dog, who ran to the opposite side of the yard. Kei, as we have all come to learn, is an intelligent young demon, and to prove such to us, she stepped in a pile of toddler puke, slipped, broke one hand and a nail.

She laid there, eyes closed, for almost 20 minutes. Her right hand was throbbing so badly that Kei no longer believed that it even existed, since that much pain was surely impossible all at once. The vomit was slowly seeping into her pant legs, the acid starting to sting at her calves. She clamped her eyes tighter when she felt five presences huddling over her after she had laid there in a dead state for the full extent of the 20 minutes.

"Yady?" Keiko asked shyly.

"Hey, wake up!" Yusuke demanded, kicking her with all his 2 year old might.

"Hey, are you dead?" Kuwabara asked, crouching down and poking the upturned palm of her broken right hand. He poked the very tip of the bone which was barely poking through her highly damaged skin. _That's what I get for breaking my fall…_

"Miss?" Shuichi prodded quietly, crouching down and watching Kei intently. _Just stay still Kei. Maybe if you don't move…they'll think you're dead. They'll leave you alone…wait for it…wait…_

"MEEEEEEEESAAAAAAAA!" All five kids screamed in eerie unison. Mesa jogged out of the back door, head tilted, hands on her hips, and a wary expression in her eyes.

"She kicks buckets." Yusuke said, pointing down at Kei with a matter-of-fact expression on his face. Mesa raised an eyebrow, and moved to a different spot so she could loom over Kei in a stalker like fashion.

"What do you mean Yusuke?" Mesa asked, squatting down, and staring unblinkingly at the barely breathing Kei, who only _wished_ she "kicks buckets" instead of lying in a pool of vomit with a broken hand.

"She dead." Kuwabara said plainly, kicking Kei in the shoulder, sending a forceful wave of pain down the arm and into the shattered hand.

Mesa tilted her head again, watching Kei breathe, and not getting it at all. Kei suddenly reached up with her left hand and latched onto Mesa's wrist.

"Mesa, please, get a gun, and fucking shoot me." Kei begged with some effort, after all, being drop dead miserable is hard work.

"Kei, what happened?" Mesa asked, sounding slightly unconcerned.

"Oh nothing much. Hiei puked, Yusuke and Kuwabara abused the dog, the dog tried to eat the puke, now I'm laying in it and I'm bleeding everywhere because I have a pesky bone fragment sticking out of my skin."

"For some one who's supposed to be dead, you have a pretty firm grip on reality." Mesa said, helping Kei sit up.

"Damn firm, but only with my left hand." Kei said, about three and a half nanoseconds from breaking into hysterical sobs and strangling everything in sight.

"Are you ok?" Mesa took hold of Kei's right hand, knowing full well that it would be excrutiatingly painful, and inspected the bloody palm of Kei's hand. "It looks horrible."

"Yeah. The broken hand doesn't hurt so much…as my broken nail." Kei joked, pointing to her index finger which had lost about 90 of the nail and was bleeding profusely.

"Kei, how did you do that much damage just by falling down?"

"TALK IS CHEAP GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Kei screamed at the top of her lungs, no longer able to stand being collected about blinding pain and loss of blood.

-In the Hospital-

Mesa sat each of the tots down in a cushy waiting room chair. They all looked at her expectantly, waiting for her words of instruction.

"I'm going to go into the room and see if Kei is ok. I want you guys to stay here and be quiet. If you want to, there are some toy's right here." Mesa pointed to a plastic hamper full of filthy toys left over from doctor's children who had gone off to college ten years ago. "You can play with them, but quietly." To reinforce this, she put her index finger over her lips and made a quiet "shhh" noise. Each of them copied, except for Hiei who had been mostly reserved, except for the yelling around Kei in which he fully participated because anger fueled him ("little rat bastard" Kei thought at that moment) . "Ok, I'll be right back." Mesa stood, and walked hurriedly out of the overly silent waiting room.

The kids looked around the room. There were at most 10 others cramped into the sterile smelling room. There were several old people, a father with his three children, and a few laughing teens in a corner.

After five minutes of angelic behavior, Shuichi and Kuwabara fell asleep, Shuichi's head resting on Kuwabara's shoulder, and Kuwabara's head resting on Shuichi's head. Yusuke and Keiko leaped off their chairs, and waddled over to the three children. The two little girls gathered around Keiko, and they went off to play house with some moldy haired barbies. The little boy and Yusuke slinked off to a dark corner, and within minutes they were having a biting contest. Whoever could leave the biggest teeth marks in the chair leg won.

"Ha…you lose." Yusuke bragged, pointing at the little boy's saliva blob on the chair. The little boy cried.

Hiei went for a lovely little stroll in circles.

The doctor came in, and inspected Kei's hand.

"That was a nice break." The doctor commented, trying to be friendly to lighten Kei's mood. She continued to glare daggers at the black haired physician. "How did you do it?" Kei thought for a moment. Should she tell the truth, or make up a story? _He won't believe me either way…_

"Well, I was helping my friend baby-sit." Mesa stepped into the room. "And one of the little…things threw up and the dog was about to eat it. So, I ran to make the dog go away, slipped, and tried to break my fall using my hand. I have bad coordination, so only my index finger hit the ground….I think…I don't actually remember how my hand hit the ground I made up the last part." The doctor grunted, then actually took time to analyze this. He finally understood, and sniffed. Kei blushed. She was wearing her puke pants.

"That explains the smell." The doctor teased. Kei resisted the urge to kick him where the sun don't shine.

"So doc," Mesa started, feeling all impressed with herself for calling him doc. "How does it look?"

"Well, she'll have the cast on for a while. She might not want to be in the way of any puddles of vomit from the sounds of it." He continued to tease, only strengthening Kei's craving. She could see it in her mind, the impact, the moan, the dramatic fall to the knees, the evil laughter and the sweet sweet satisfaction.

* * *

Kips: Ok ok, that's all you get this chapter. Tune in for the next installement and see what happens!

Yusuke: -boredly hits switch that's supposed to make canned audience applause sound off-

-…nothing happens-

Kips: -bows head- that's the third time this week that thing pooped out on me. –sigh- REVIEW!


	10. Hiei's Hospital Adventure

Kips: -eyes computer warily because it's making a loud noise-

Yusuke: -tries to use will power to make it explode-

Kips: Just like to say, thanks to all teh reviewers, but mostly Dakotah Martyn cuz that was one hell of a review…two hellz of reviews –ponders- any old hoo, I'm gonna write now. Onward Write…or…in your case…read

* * *

Hiei took a cautious look around, and quietly pushed open the glass door to the waiting room. Beyond the door lay a big white world full of bright sterile hallways and many many things to potentially destroy.

He took a few quiet steps into the hallway, eyes adjusting to the sudden white brightness. After a short pause, he took off as fast as his little legs could carry him (damn fast…)

The hospital was a world like Hiei could never imagine. Constantly silent, with annoying beeping noises, and voices, some times hushed, some times on a p.a. system. The hallways were wide and winding, and even though Hiei grows up to be an evil and overly mature young man, as an unrealistically aged five year old, he found it quite amusing to jump up and down, attempting to push every button on the elevator, which he eventually succeeded in doing by staying on the elevator for three hours and when people asked what floor he wanted, he simply pointed and they would press the button. He was very very proud of himself.

Hiei spent the good part of the next six hours running from elevator to elevator, running down hallways, and sneaking around unsuspecting nurses and doctor's legs so as not to get caught.

Kei and Mesa walked out of the examination room, a casted hand and oversized hospital bill later.

"You actually left them alone!" Kei shouted upon hearing the news that they had to stop and pick up the children from the waiting room.

"Come on Kei, what kind of trouble can they cause in a waiting room? There's a bucket of toys and a bunch of chairs. They're not great, but give them a little credit." Mesa lectured, opening the door.

Inside, Keiko and the two little girls were still playing house, which consisted of mainly two year old gibberish and Barbies which hopped around making high pitched cute "bopping" noises. Yusuke and the little boy were also playing with the toys from the bucket, and this play consisted of Yusuke ramming the little boy's car with his fire truck while making evil ramming and screeching noises. The little boy's car prevailed, by leaping onto the fire truck and eating it.

"You no eat truck!" Yusuke said. The little boy simply stuck out his tongue

"I win!"

"Nuh uh!"

Shuichi and Kuwabara were still sleeping soundly.

"Yeah huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"I'll take Little Red Riding Hood." Kei said, picking up Shuichi artfully with only the use of her left hand. Mesa grabbed sack-of-potatoes Kuwabara with a slight "oof".

"Nuh uh!"

"Yeah-"

"Nuh uh! Nuh uh nuh uh nuh uh!"

"Hey, you didn't let me finish!"

"Nuh-" Just as Yusuke was about to throw in his next obstinate "nuh uh", Kei took one foot, and gently placed it into Yusuke's back.

"Come on get movin'." She ordered, pushing Yusuke foreword. The little boy cried.

Keiko saw that Yusuke was leaving, and gave one of the little girls her Barbie, and quickly got up and waddled over to Yusuke. She grabbed his hand and pulled him over to Mesa, then looked up at her with big brown eyes.

Mesa looked around the waiting room, and Kei was about to put her first foot out the door.

"Wait." Mesa said, holding her arm out and catching Kei in the ribs so she couldn't move. "One two three, oh my god." She almost started crying.

"What, what what what!" Kei asked, seeing the sudden fear that had crossed over Mesa's face.

"We're missing Hiei!"

Hiei ran giggling down a hall, stopping only when he collided with a long pair of legs, and landed flat on his butt. He looked up at the owner of the legs with his curious red eyes, and the owner of the legs crouched down to look at little Hiei.

"Hello…" The doctor said, smiling at Hiei who returned the favor with a blank glare. "Where are your parents kid?" He asked, taking note of the make up laden face of Hiei. Hiei continued to glare rather halfheartedly at the doctor. "Hm…" The doctor stood, deep in thought. "Well." He bent down and picked Hiei up, causing Hiei's left eye to twitch. "I'll take you to registration and maybe they'll know what to do with you."

Three flights of stairs and a walk down a corridor of "awwwwws", the doctor placed Hiei on the marble counter top of the registration desk.

"I found this little guy running around in the cardiac unit. What should we do with him?"

Kei ran as carefully as she could, trying not to jostle sleeping Shuichi too much. Her head was constantly spinning every which way, hoping to spot the small blob of black that was Hiei. She dashed past the cafeteria, past the front doors, past the gift shop, past the registration desk. She slammed to a stop, and took a couple careful backwards steps, eyes fixed on the registration desk.

There stood a doctor, and next to the doctor, standing _on_ the desk, was a blob of black.

"I know that blob of black…" Kei muttered, taking quick, and immensely large steps towards the black blob in question.

"Excuse me," She said, tapping the doctor on the shoulder. "That evil red eyed munchkin, he's mine." She said, reaching out for Hiei who for one reason or another, latched onto her arm. She winced, since she had no other option but to offer him her broken arm.

The doctor eyed baby Shuichi, and then took a look at Hiei, then looked Kei up and down.

"Uh…"

"Oh thank god you found him!" Mesa yelled from behind Kei, causing several people to look up. She ran over to the desk, with sleeping Kuwabara, and wide eyed Keiko in her arms, and Yusuke holding onto her neck for dear life. The doctor turned his eyes to Mesa, and did the same curious scan for her as he had for Kei. Kei laughed, only imaging what could be going on in the doctors mind.

"Sorry about any trouble he might have caused. We're babysitting and I broke my hand." Kei stated with a bright smile, grabbing Hiei with her right hand and supporting him on her hip with a lot of effort. "Thank you once again." Kei turned, and strode proudly out of the hospital, a gleeful Mesa tagging along behind.

-Finally at the Heathen Headquarters…-

Kei kicked open the door the moment Mesa unlocked it. She was in no mood to still be stranded with a bunch of kids.

"Mesa, you watch these dudes all the time, why can't I just go hooooooooooooome!" Kei cried, holding her highly injured wrist.

"Ok one, never EVER call them dudes again. Two, Kei, you don't even have to do much, please just stay! I'll even make a deal with you. Go take your shower, and then you can lay on the couch, and I'll put in a movie, and you can keep track of them. I still have a lot of cleaning to do because you-"

"THEY!"

"They made such a mess." Mesa said, accepting her correction.

"Fine!" Kei stormed off to the bathroom.

* * *

Kips: That's it for this chapter, tune in next time to see how I decide to torture Kei

Yusuke: -laughs at the waiting room kid who's still crying-

Little Boy: -cries- REVIEW –cries-


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